Dear Sawyer,
It's almost been 4 months now. If you had been born on your due date you would have just turned 3 months old. Your mom and I would hopefully be sleeping through the night. I would know what your smile looks like. You'd probably be cooing by now and trying to make conversation with us.
Some days are still pretty hard. This weekend had a few bad moments for me. Shortly after your passing I had bought some rubber bracelets for your mom, grandmothers, and siblings. Your mom's said Mommy of an Angel. Mine says Daddy of an Angel. I hadn't been able to wear mine because it was a little too tight. I tried it this weekend and it fit comfortably. Putting it on was good, but brought a lot of the pain back. I also was able to get my wedding ring on which I haven't been able to wear for 2 years.
On Sunday a friend of mine got to bless his baby girl. I didn't think I was going to be able to sit through it but luckily the mic wasn't working so I couldn't really hear anything. I was really jealous that he had the opportunity to do that and I didn't. Maybe someday after this life I will.
We are still working on the design for your headstone, although hopefully it will be finished soon.
I miss you,
Dad
