I'm sitting here with Stephanie and my dad watching quantum leap. We started watching the series a few weeks ago and we are watching the episode where Beckett goes home and is himself when he's 16 years old. My dad said he has thought about what he would do differently if he was in that position. I've spent so many nights thinking about what I could have done differently in my life to avoid some of the pains and trials I have gone through. I've spent WAY too much time thinking about stuff like that. Way too much energy...
I thought about what my dad had said and reflected how much time I had spent thinking the same thing. I couldn't think of a single decision I would make in my life that I would change. While it would be nice to have some sorrow removed I couldn't know joy without knowing pain. How do you get perspective on anything? You experience the opposite.
While the pain is great, I feel so much peace. I don't know how the two are existing at the same time, but they are. I feel such a deep profound love for Stephanie. I know how much our family and friends love us. I know I have amazing kids. What else would I want out of life? Why would I change any decisions I've ever made when I have everything I need?
If I was able to go back to my 16 year old self I would tell him that all the pain is worth it in the end.
Scott
It would seem that your dear daughter has given you a wonderous gift: the knowledge that life is a journey filled with a myriad of adventures - some happy, some sad but all worth experiencing. Joy/sorrow are as connected as night/day. Sawyer will be with you always in many ways. Not the least of which is the wisdom that she has given you.
ReplyDeleteAdena