Wednesday....

Dear Sawyer,

I think tomorrow is going to be the hardest day so far.  Never in a million years did I think I would be getting ready for your funeral. Your grandmothers went today and dressed you in the cutest little dress. Grandma Jackie stayed up really late on Tuesday to make it for you. Grandpa John went to take pictures. He did a really good job. I touched them up some to make sure you looked perfect. You looked like a sleeping angel. I used to find pictures of those that have passed to be a little disturbing but, having these pictures of you have been comforting.

I decided to do some projects today to help keep me busy. I took a couple of the pictures the photographer took on Sunday and made a card for your memorial.

What do you think?

I also took your feet impression and made a copy of the mold. I've got several plaster casts of the bottom of your cute little feet.  I've got one that is drying now made out of an acrylic resin.  I poured lots of sand into it which should settle on the bottom. I want it to look like reverse sand print.  I'm going to put that in a shadow box with the poem called "Footprints."

When I went to the print place to get the cards I made printed out I stopped next door at a little cafe to get something to drink. When the lady behind the counter asked how my day was going my only response was "It's one of those days." She then proceeded to agree with me and tell me how awful the day was because she was two hours over her shift. Really? I'd trade her day with mine in a heartbeat.  I just simply smiled and carried on. I realize it's out of manners that people ask how you are doing, but they really don't want to know the answer. I've been tempted to try it out to see what someone's reaction would be if I said, "my day is going crappy, I have to bury my daughter tomorrow."  I wonder if the person would ever ask that question again?

We went to see Darlene, the midwife, and Kyla. This was the first we had seen them since you passed. It was good to see how much they cared about us, and about you. I'm glad that we have a plausible explanation for what happened. I'm glad that they did everything they could for us.  They did mention that if there was a mom that had been in a car accident they would check the baby out with an ultrasound 4 weeks after the accident to check development, which is not something doctors usually do. I'm glad that through our tradgedy they were able to implement something which might help others in the future.

Your Grandma Sherri moved in today. She was going to move in to take care of you, now I guess she'll have to take care of us a little bit... for awhile at least. Your mom slept through the night last night. It was good. The first couple nights I have woken to her crying. I don't mind getting a chance to hold her. Speaking of sleep I'm dozing off. I will let you know how the service went.

Love,

Dad