Normally I have started my posts as a letter directly to Sawyer. The posts reflect what I would want Sawyer to know about how we are handling things. While they are written with her as the main audience I obviously realize that other people will be reading my blog and so I also write in a way to help others understand how we are going through the grief process. I have been somewhat conflicted about what I was going to write about today. This morning I had a very personal, spiritual experience. While I am normally very open, my faith is very important to me. I want to share the experience, but I also want to maintain the sacredness of it.
For those that are reading this who are unfamiliar with LDS (Mormon) beliefs, one of the activities we love to do is worship and learn in one of our temples. It is a sacred and special experience for us. Inside every temple is a room for quiet thought and meditation. We believe that it is the closest we will get to God on this Earth. The rooms are both elegant and simple and called the celestial room. http://www.moroni10.com/LDS/Temple_Tour/Celestial_Room.html is a link to a few pictures of what the rooms look like.
Dear Sawyer,
Today has been a peaceful, comforting day. Not completely devoid of sadness, but good none the less. I got a text message a couple days ago from Katharina asking if I wanted to go to the temple with Aaron. We needed to be there before 6am so I was a little reluctant at first. I sure like getting as much sleep as I can, but I thought this would be a good opportunity to spend time with Aaron. This morning I awoke early and we went to the temple. The session was really great. Afterwards I went into the Celestial room and sat quietly thinking about you. I realized that if you were with God and the Celestial room is the closest I will get to God on this earth then I knew at that moment that I was the closest to you I will ever get in this life. I sat quietly and it wasn't long before the tears started to flow. Within a few moments though the tears stopped and the most comforting feeling came over me. I felt you so close to me. I could picture you looking down on me, surrounded by family that have already passed. I didn't want to leave, but at the same time I felt guilty that your mom wasn't there experiencing the same thing I was.
After the temple Aaron and I went to Snohomish and had breakfast. We drove up to the cemetary afterwards and I spent a few solemn minutes standing next to you. Aaron was unable to make it to your funeral so this was the first time he had been there. The weather was nice and the flowers still looked beautiful.
The rest of the day was really good. As I was driving home after dropping Aaron off I passed a friend of mine who I hadn't talked to in a while. He's been going through a rough patch as well so I thought I'd give him a call. I'm glad I did. His son has been having a really hard time and due to some bad circumstances they are not able to spend time together. I could tell how much he worried about his son. I spoke to the boy's mother and expressed my desire to help them out as much as I could. She mentioned that he had expressed a desire to see me a couple times so I decided to invite him along for some bowling. In the early afternoon I went bowling with him, your mom, and Grandma Sherri. We had a really good time and I got my highest score to date, a 225. We came back home and played some video games before I took him back home.
I hope you are doing well. I cannot wait for the day that we are together again.
Love, Dad.
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